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Hi all,
I apologize in advance for the blundering I'm fairly certain I'm about to do.
With some initial reservations I've come recently to the conclusion that I am probably autistic. I've been doing some research to try and figure out what it means for me specifically. The most important thing for me to learn right now is how to use this new information to resolve some issues in my life, mostly related to jobs, money (or lack thereof), child support and family law.
So the way I found myself here is that several weeks ago I had a weird conversation with my mother. I'm currently 32 and I have 3 children who live with their mother in the Dallas/Ft Worth area (I'm currently in Austin). I've perceived my mother for many years as being rather a hypochondriac and so when she talks about health issues I tend to tune her out. There were two reasons I didn't in this case. The first is that she described what seemed (at least to me) to be fairly poignant "symptoms" that I apparently grew out of at an early age, like sudden memory loss or being in trance states in which I was unresponsive to pin pricks (no pain response). Basically something like a combination of sleepwalking and talking in your sleep except that there wasn't any way to wake me up because I wasn't attached to the pain response or other senses that would normally wake a sleeping person. The latter is that it occurred to me that an official diagnosis could potentially be helpful in dealing with my ongoing job/money/legal problems (they're all closely related) which have been on-going at a minimum since at least 2000 when I split up with my ex-wife and which in August last year had me so totally frustrated that I was seriously considering suicide (only the 2nd time in my life that's happened - the first was in Navy boot-camp in 1997 which is an experience I'm grateful of for various reasons I won't get into right now). I started researching Asperger's Syndrome and have discovered that many of the experiences that seem to be fairly common amongst aspies are experiences I'd mentioned to people for many years but never considered that they might be related and largely thought they were just innocuous, individual peculiarities of my own. For example I'd told people for a while before researching AS that I don't really know what hunger "feels like" and so I've developed a habit of eating regularly because if I don't then I just keep going until I basically fall over and it seems like a lot of aspies have had similar experiences. Both my ex and my current girlfriend have always complained about my being alternatively very distracted and at the same time very focused on what I'm doing, to the point that it's difficult to get my attention much of the time. This seems to fit into the category of the narrow focused interest that creates savant-ish skills in the chosen pursuits of aspies. I've also talked (even bitched sometimes) about being "honest to a fault" so much so that it's caused a number of problems for me over the years. Many years ago I remember being turned down for a job at Pizza Hut because their psych. evaluation (yeah, at Pizza Hut) said that "no one is that honest" and therefore I must be a habitual liar.
Shortly before I started researching AS I started a thread in the Extreme Honesty tribe to try and locate others who may have had similar experiences with regard to the honesty thing. Having not become aware of AS or that this seems to be a common experience for aspies I didn't have any real foundation for understanding or explaining the issue I've been having and I ended up getting a lot of "you're just playing the victim card" from some of the folks in that tribe (including assumptions that I'm a liar apparently)... which I gather is fairly indicative of some of the issues related to NT's expecting certain types of language or behavior and aspies being somewhat challenged to provide it via the experience of "what comes naturally for you must be learned by myself the way you would learn to play the piano". Having no prior exposure to information about AS of course I was routing around in the dark for a way to explain my experiences, i.e. trial and a lot of error.
Now the whole reason for my having started that thread in the first place, in spite of the perceived "bitching" going on, was to connect with others who might have had similar experiences so that I could maybe learn something that might help me in the future, because it seems fairly obvious that I've been unable to learn how to overcome these social challenges on my own. In looking back over the course of my adult life specifically, it seems to me that at least half the times I've been fired from jobs it's been the result of social blundering on my part related to my being challenged to understand when and how and why people tell "little white lies". Hell, I'm challenged even to understand self-censorship. I'm just a bad liar, so when I censor myself it always feels like people can tell that there's something I'm not saying and it seems fairly often that they assume it's something way worse than it actually is. I don't have any proof to back it up, just anecdotes about how people behave, like the fact that during a set at a local comedy club some guy in the audience felt like the appropriate response to my saying "I'm bisexual" even though he didn't know me and didn't have any reason to believe he would ever know me, was to start loudly looking for crosses and holy water. I'm not saying this to "bitch" for it's own sake -- just that these are the sorts of examples I have to work with. People overreact, I know they do, yet I have a difficult time understanding why or what to or how they'll overreact and so it makes censoring myself very difficult even though I may want to for their sake if not mine.
And the social challenges are a huge problem for me -- they have been since at least 2000 when my ex and I split up because of the child support. Without there being any kind of conspiracy, the judge refused me my right to appear in court and a boss who'd fired me testified in court that I'd "abandoned" the job the day after my wife kicked me out of the house. Looking back on everything that had transpired with that particular job (like all the others), it all makes sense, I understand why things happened the way they did, why I became unpopular with my coworkers and why I was fired (although not why my boss claimed that I had ditched). It's just that 20/20 hindsight didn't help me then and it's still not helping me now. In the intervening years I've done everything I could think of to get good jobs so I could pay the child support and it's not worked for me. I lost several jobs to the companies I worked for collapsing in the economy (post-dot-com) and several more to my own social challenges so my average income since 2000 has been about half what the state insists it must be, bringing me currently over $70k in arrears child support. In 2000 or 2001 shortly after the child support was awarded the state suspended my driver's license for non-payment of child support, which just this last month prevented me from interviewing for what looked like a great programming job here in Austin because their office is 17 miles from the nearest bus-stop (and even that bus-stop is all the way across town) so the owner of the business didn't even bother responding when I emailed him back to tell him I was interested and could work remotely. I wasn't looking for programming jobs, he contacted me because he was looking for a ColdFusion expert to lead a team here in town and there aren't very many people with my background in that field. I stopped looking for software jobs a few months ago because I realized that I couldn't think about pursuing them without becoming violent. At least not in the present tense. This was following having been arrested and spent a night in jail for driving with a suspended license, which if you read the fine print means it's illegal for me to be poor, particularly when you consider that I've received letters from the state threatening to throw me in jail for non-payment of child support, which was the reason they took my license to begin with. So basically, 6 years of working next to and being an important resource for people with six-figure incomes while I lived in slum-like hovels with a continual threat of jail (for not having better finances) has got me to a point where I can't function in that environment currently. (I'm really not "bitching to bitch", I'm just explaining why I'm not working in software and doing my best to explain why I think autism may be at the root of what I've been "doing wrong" thus far.)
I know this can work. I've seen plenty of examples of people talking about autistic people who've been very successful, including speculation about Bill Gates, etc. I just need to make it work for me. Right now I'm working at a gas station down the street while the decade of work I've done as a software engineer goes to waste. The gas station job is problematic too because the TABC have been hammering the store where I work and busted someone just before I was hired and then again just a couple days ago less than 24 hours after a previous "sting" at the same store failed (when the district manager was at the register). People who work for the chain are turning down offers for overtime at my store even if they would normally love to get the overtime because they don't want to be arrested like the girl they busted a couple days ago who was from another store. I've been getting a lot of overtime myself, unfortunately primarily because they're having serious problems keeping the store staffed, and several of my recent shifts I've been alone on shift during a 2nd shift on the weekend when there are supposed to be 2-3 people in the store to handle the traffic. The real issue here though is the concern that I could be arrested on felony charges for failing to pass the undercover cop test, at which point the prosecuting attorneys would also have the option of reviving my felony driving with suspended license charge (which they may or may not do) that I'd already plead no-contest on in order to get the "be a good boy and don't get in trouble and we'll drop the charges" deal.
So here are the questions I've been having real difficulty answering through my own research.
1) What tests are used to produce an official diagnosis of AS or "high functioning autism" (which I'm apt to think is the same thing)? I took the online test, although I'm aware of the issues related to people learning coping mechanisms, etc. (Plus the results made little sense to me -- if the scale is 1-4 how do some traits get average scores of 4.3?)
2) How easy is it today to get an official diagnosis as an adult? I found this blog article that makes it seem fairly straightforward: wesnerm.blogs.com/net_undoc...yndro.html
3) What are the pros and cons of having an official diagnosis?
4) How does the law treat an official diagnosis of AS? Is there potential for me to receive any kind of disability compensation or relief from the child-support debt? I spoke with a guy here in Austin just the other day who said his wife was able to forgive most of his child support debt (and that apparently the state couldn't do anything about it) yet my ex tells me that when she tried to do the same thing she just got treated very badly by the attorney general's office who told her she wasn't allowed to do that, even though the over $70k I ostensibly owe is at least an order of magnitude more than the amount the state has spent on aid for them (food stamps, tanf, etc), with much of what they've spent having been already "paid back" through previous taxes and child support payments.
5) Has anyone found that there are constructive environments in which it's helpful if your employer knows you're autistic before they hire you?
Thanks
p.s. Aside from the gas station job I've also been doing several other things to try and bring in some more income, seeking work as an illustrator or graphic artist and running this cafepress store www.cafepress.com/anupwardspiral , none of which have broken even yet financially.
p.p.s. Are there any other ColdFusion programmers in this tribe?
I apologize in advance for the blundering I'm fairly certain I'm about to do.
With some initial reservations I've come recently to the conclusion that I am probably autistic. I've been doing some research to try and figure out what it means for me specifically. The most important thing for me to learn right now is how to use this new information to resolve some issues in my life, mostly related to jobs, money (or lack thereof), child support and family law.
So the way I found myself here is that several weeks ago I had a weird conversation with my mother. I'm currently 32 and I have 3 children who live with their mother in the Dallas/Ft Worth area (I'm currently in Austin). I've perceived my mother for many years as being rather a hypochondriac and so when she talks about health issues I tend to tune her out. There were two reasons I didn't in this case. The first is that she described what seemed (at least to me) to be fairly poignant "symptoms" that I apparently grew out of at an early age, like sudden memory loss or being in trance states in which I was unresponsive to pin pricks (no pain response). Basically something like a combination of sleepwalking and talking in your sleep except that there wasn't any way to wake me up because I wasn't attached to the pain response or other senses that would normally wake a sleeping person. The latter is that it occurred to me that an official diagnosis could potentially be helpful in dealing with my ongoing job/money/legal problems (they're all closely related) which have been on-going at a minimum since at least 2000 when I split up with my ex-wife and which in August last year had me so totally frustrated that I was seriously considering suicide (only the 2nd time in my life that's happened - the first was in Navy boot-camp in 1997 which is an experience I'm grateful of for various reasons I won't get into right now). I started researching Asperger's Syndrome and have discovered that many of the experiences that seem to be fairly common amongst aspies are experiences I'd mentioned to people for many years but never considered that they might be related and largely thought they were just innocuous, individual peculiarities of my own. For example I'd told people for a while before researching AS that I don't really know what hunger "feels like" and so I've developed a habit of eating regularly because if I don't then I just keep going until I basically fall over and it seems like a lot of aspies have had similar experiences. Both my ex and my current girlfriend have always complained about my being alternatively very distracted and at the same time very focused on what I'm doing, to the point that it's difficult to get my attention much of the time. This seems to fit into the category of the narrow focused interest that creates savant-ish skills in the chosen pursuits of aspies. I've also talked (even bitched sometimes) about being "honest to a fault" so much so that it's caused a number of problems for me over the years. Many years ago I remember being turned down for a job at Pizza Hut because their psych. evaluation (yeah, at Pizza Hut) said that "no one is that honest" and therefore I must be a habitual liar.
Shortly before I started researching AS I started a thread in the Extreme Honesty tribe to try and locate others who may have had similar experiences with regard to the honesty thing. Having not become aware of AS or that this seems to be a common experience for aspies I didn't have any real foundation for understanding or explaining the issue I've been having and I ended up getting a lot of "you're just playing the victim card" from some of the folks in that tribe (including assumptions that I'm a liar apparently)... which I gather is fairly indicative of some of the issues related to NT's expecting certain types of language or behavior and aspies being somewhat challenged to provide it via the experience of "what comes naturally for you must be learned by myself the way you would learn to play the piano". Having no prior exposure to information about AS of course I was routing around in the dark for a way to explain my experiences, i.e. trial and a lot of error.
Now the whole reason for my having started that thread in the first place, in spite of the perceived "bitching" going on, was to connect with others who might have had similar experiences so that I could maybe learn something that might help me in the future, because it seems fairly obvious that I've been unable to learn how to overcome these social challenges on my own. In looking back over the course of my adult life specifically, it seems to me that at least half the times I've been fired from jobs it's been the result of social blundering on my part related to my being challenged to understand when and how and why people tell "little white lies". Hell, I'm challenged even to understand self-censorship. I'm just a bad liar, so when I censor myself it always feels like people can tell that there's something I'm not saying and it seems fairly often that they assume it's something way worse than it actually is. I don't have any proof to back it up, just anecdotes about how people behave, like the fact that during a set at a local comedy club some guy in the audience felt like the appropriate response to my saying "I'm bisexual" even though he didn't know me and didn't have any reason to believe he would ever know me, was to start loudly looking for crosses and holy water. I'm not saying this to "bitch" for it's own sake -- just that these are the sorts of examples I have to work with. People overreact, I know they do, yet I have a difficult time understanding why or what to or how they'll overreact and so it makes censoring myself very difficult even though I may want to for their sake if not mine.
And the social challenges are a huge problem for me -- they have been since at least 2000 when my ex and I split up because of the child support. Without there being any kind of conspiracy, the judge refused me my right to appear in court and a boss who'd fired me testified in court that I'd "abandoned" the job the day after my wife kicked me out of the house. Looking back on everything that had transpired with that particular job (like all the others), it all makes sense, I understand why things happened the way they did, why I became unpopular with my coworkers and why I was fired (although not why my boss claimed that I had ditched). It's just that 20/20 hindsight didn't help me then and it's still not helping me now. In the intervening years I've done everything I could think of to get good jobs so I could pay the child support and it's not worked for me. I lost several jobs to the companies I worked for collapsing in the economy (post-dot-com) and several more to my own social challenges so my average income since 2000 has been about half what the state insists it must be, bringing me currently over $70k in arrears child support. In 2000 or 2001 shortly after the child support was awarded the state suspended my driver's license for non-payment of child support, which just this last month prevented me from interviewing for what looked like a great programming job here in Austin because their office is 17 miles from the nearest bus-stop (and even that bus-stop is all the way across town) so the owner of the business didn't even bother responding when I emailed him back to tell him I was interested and could work remotely. I wasn't looking for programming jobs, he contacted me because he was looking for a ColdFusion expert to lead a team here in town and there aren't very many people with my background in that field. I stopped looking for software jobs a few months ago because I realized that I couldn't think about pursuing them without becoming violent. At least not in the present tense. This was following having been arrested and spent a night in jail for driving with a suspended license, which if you read the fine print means it's illegal for me to be poor, particularly when you consider that I've received letters from the state threatening to throw me in jail for non-payment of child support, which was the reason they took my license to begin with. So basically, 6 years of working next to and being an important resource for people with six-figure incomes while I lived in slum-like hovels with a continual threat of jail (for not having better finances) has got me to a point where I can't function in that environment currently. (I'm really not "bitching to bitch", I'm just explaining why I'm not working in software and doing my best to explain why I think autism may be at the root of what I've been "doing wrong" thus far.)
I know this can work. I've seen plenty of examples of people talking about autistic people who've been very successful, including speculation about Bill Gates, etc. I just need to make it work for me. Right now I'm working at a gas station down the street while the decade of work I've done as a software engineer goes to waste. The gas station job is problematic too because the TABC have been hammering the store where I work and busted someone just before I was hired and then again just a couple days ago less than 24 hours after a previous "sting" at the same store failed (when the district manager was at the register). People who work for the chain are turning down offers for overtime at my store even if they would normally love to get the overtime because they don't want to be arrested like the girl they busted a couple days ago who was from another store. I've been getting a lot of overtime myself, unfortunately primarily because they're having serious problems keeping the store staffed, and several of my recent shifts I've been alone on shift during a 2nd shift on the weekend when there are supposed to be 2-3 people in the store to handle the traffic. The real issue here though is the concern that I could be arrested on felony charges for failing to pass the undercover cop test, at which point the prosecuting attorneys would also have the option of reviving my felony driving with suspended license charge (which they may or may not do) that I'd already plead no-contest on in order to get the "be a good boy and don't get in trouble and we'll drop the charges" deal.
So here are the questions I've been having real difficulty answering through my own research.
1) What tests are used to produce an official diagnosis of AS or "high functioning autism" (which I'm apt to think is the same thing)? I took the online test, although I'm aware of the issues related to people learning coping mechanisms, etc. (Plus the results made little sense to me -- if the scale is 1-4 how do some traits get average scores of 4.3?)
2) How easy is it today to get an official diagnosis as an adult? I found this blog article that makes it seem fairly straightforward: wesnerm.blogs.com/net_undoc...yndro.html
3) What are the pros and cons of having an official diagnosis?
4) How does the law treat an official diagnosis of AS? Is there potential for me to receive any kind of disability compensation or relief from the child-support debt? I spoke with a guy here in Austin just the other day who said his wife was able to forgive most of his child support debt (and that apparently the state couldn't do anything about it) yet my ex tells me that when she tried to do the same thing she just got treated very badly by the attorney general's office who told her she wasn't allowed to do that, even though the over $70k I ostensibly owe is at least an order of magnitude more than the amount the state has spent on aid for them (food stamps, tanf, etc), with much of what they've spent having been already "paid back" through previous taxes and child support payments.
5) Has anyone found that there are constructive environments in which it's helpful if your employer knows you're autistic before they hire you?
Thanks
p.s. Aside from the gas station job I've also been doing several other things to try and bring in some more income, seeking work as an illustrator or graphic artist and running this cafepress store www.cafepress.com/anupwardspiral , none of which have broken even yet financially.
p.p.s. Are there any other ColdFusion programmers in this tribe?
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Dallas
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Re: A few questions
Mon, July 30, 2007 - 9:33 AMFirst off, the trance states you define are curious. I don't recognize them as unique to autism, but I'm also not a diagnosing professional. As a lay person, though, I'd encourage you to read through the relevant sections of the DSM IV, (assuming you live in North America). I'd also suggest reading through the sections on dissociation, notably dissociative fugue. This particular symptom you describe might fall into that category, although dissociative fugue wouldn't describe any of the other symptoms.
"1) What tests are used to produce an official diagnosis of AS or "high functioning autism" (which I'm apt to think is the same thing)? I took the online test, although I'm aware of the issues related to people learning coping mechanisms, etc. (Plus the results made little sense to me -- if the scale is 1-4 how do some traits get average scores of 4.3?)"
AS is a specific diagnosis as described in the DSM IV, (the official manual of such diagnoses in the US). HFA is not. HFA is more of a general, common usage term which refers to the fact that many autistic people are not particularly disabled. If you aren't disabled, (ie, unable to function in some way), then you are "high functioning". Most non-autistic adults are "high functioning" in our society.
The tests all suck, by the way. Most of them hinge specifically on broken behaviors. People who have lived their lives into adulthood have development coping mechanisms which play out on the tests as being "non-autistic". For instance, while failing to make eye contact is a frequent "symptom" of autism, I've spent over 30 years working on learning how to make eye contact and studying how people do this. I can now make eye contact, hold eye contact, gesture openness and or intimidate people using eye contact. I've become something of a minor expert on eye contact precisely because I've perseverated on this particular skill. That I can now make eye contact doesn't make me any less autistic. It simply highlights a flaw in the vast majority of the tests.
Even the official criterion for autism diagnoses requires the ability to examine the subject's childhood development. And since this information is largely lost for most adults, the formal diagnoses don't really work for adults and thus cannot be accurately applied in general.
To answer your question, the test for "high functioning" is simple. If you participate in our society, then you're high functioning. If you're also autistic, then you're HFA. Depending on the type of presentation of your autism, you may also be AS, or kannner's or one of the more catch-all, less clearly delineated variations which would fall into the general category of "ASD".
People who are AS are frequently high functioning. People who are kanners are often disabled. However, there are plenty of exceptions as well - people who are AS and disabled or kanners and not disabled. People who are ASD tend to fall in the middle, depending on your geographic area and the professional doing the diagnosis. Because of the difficulties with diagnosing adults, many professionals are only using the ASD diagnosis with adults.
"2) How easy is it today to get an official diagnosis as an adult? I found this blog article that makes it seem fairly straightforward: wesnerm.blogs.com/net_undoc...yndro.html"
It's fairly straightforward to get a diagnosis of ASD, or kanners, if that's appropriate. If you specifically want AS, that's a little more difficult.
Note that this is only a first step. If you're looking for legally protected accomodations, you also need to be declared disabled. And that takes a little bit more work. It's also something you want to be careful about. Once declared disabled, you're likely to be marked for life which could have serious ramifications in your career and your health insurance. Be very sure this is what you want and that this would be good for you before you burn this bridge.
"3) What are the pros and cons of having an official diagnosis?"
As an adult, there are two basic pros. First, validation. For most adults, that's the only value. And many of us derive that validation without a formal diagnosis. I do.
Second is legally protected accommodations. If you genuinely need accommodations, and you live in a country where these are legally protected, then it can be in your interest to be both diagnosed and declared disabled. However, this is a double edged sword that can frequently be detrimental for many, depending on the level of accommodations you seek. If you don't tell your employer, then your accommodations are not legally protected.
Negatives... you have to let employers know as soon as you are hired that you are disabled in order for legally protected accommodations to be relevant. This means that you have to be "out" to your employer and that all future employers will be aware of your disability status, likely before you are even hired. This can make finding work more difficult. And it can make relationships with coworkers more difficult as well. Personally, I also suspect that it may affect your renumeration.
Me, I'm also concerned about health care costs and the accessibility of health insurance. if you live in a country where health care is considered a right, like Canada or UK, then this might not be much of an issue. But for me, it is. I don't want to scare away or worry a health insurance provider by making them think that I have some life long, constantly expensive condition. But that's me and my level of functioning. For someone who's life is genuinely and significantly improved by some level of ongoing care, (read: drugs, etc), this may well be a cost worth living with.
"4) How does the law treat an official diagnosis of AS? Is there potential for me to receive any kind of disability compensation or relief from the child-support debt?"
I don't know. And I'm not a lawyer. I would guess that if you managed to acquire both a diagnosis and a disability claim, that you might be eligible for aid. And that if you took such aid, you would have a cause to apply to the court to have your child support debt modified.
"I spoke with a guy here in Austin just the other day who said his wife was able to forgive most of his child support debt (and that apparently the state couldn't do anything about it) yet my ex tells me that when she tried to do the same thing she just got treated very badly by the attorney general's office who told her she wasn't allowed to do that, even though the over $70k I ostensibly owe is at least an order of magnitude more than the amount the state has spent on aid for them (food stamps, tanf, etc), with much of what they've spent having been already "paid back" through previous taxes and child support payments."
I can't speak to this. I'd suggest contacting either a lawyer, child and family services, or whatever serves as charitable aid in your area. I can't guess about how the laws work in TX.
"5) Has anyone found that there are constructive environments in which it's helpful if your employer knows you're autistic before they hire you?"
This hasn't yet been true for me. However, my industry is rife with autism, so common that people recognize it intuitively without actually knowing that it is autism.
What I've learned from talking with other people online is that it depends on your level of disability. If your level of disability is high, or if simple accommodations can make a significant difference in your productivity, then it may well be worth shopping for a specific employer who can make those accommodations easily. Such an employer is more likely to value your contribution and you are likely to be more comfortable in their environment. Work may be lower paying and harder to find, but when you do find it, it may be more comfortable and easier to maintain. Autistic people tend toward loyalty and tend to value consistent routine, both of which are convenient values for most employers.
If your level of disability is low, or if you are high functioning, then in the best case, telling your employer makes absolutely no difference whatsoever. Worst case, it creates a difficult work environment.
I would also encourage you to consider self employment. If you can find a way to make a living on your own, then you completely side step all of these issues. -
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Re: A few questions
Mon, July 30, 2007 - 9:39 AM"may affect your renumeration. "
*sigh* Of course that should be...
"may affect your reMuNeration" -
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Re: A few questions
Mon, July 30, 2007 - 2:03 PMI will relate my experience in finding that I am a HFA and the effort to get diagnosed and what my talk doctor has let me know...
First of all HFA isnt a crutch.. if your looking for an excuse or something like that then look elsewhere.. dont take offense at that statement.
But alot of people are looking to find this panacea that explains why they did things when they were a kid.. or why they are fucked up now...
Just because one is an Aspie doesnt excuse you from your actions magically... The world as a whole doesnt know people who are aspies are that way. Most of us who are older have learned like the person above to overcome some limitations or hurdles.
I am still learning certain things with the help of my talk doctor and an understanding boss...
Now.. health insurance is very tricky and will vary depending upon where you live in the US , Canada, Europe, etc.. since you live in Texas we can eliminate everything but the US. Now most (not all) doctors wont easily diagnose anyone but a child with aspies... the reason for this is due to the fact that most health insurances will drop you like a hot potato and force you to go on medicare. This is what I faced when I started to try and get diagnosed by my talk doctor. Finally when I wasnt getting it she sat me down and informally told me look we can work on the symptoms and the coping and interaction issues without specifying that yes indeed you have aspergers. She went on to tell me that yes i did have aspergers but that she would not give me an official diagnosis as it would cause my health insurance company to drop me like a hot rock. They would force me as aspergers is a certain type of disability (she said the word and I cant for the life of me remember right now) that is bulked by insurance companies into the same form of autism as what one see's in rain man...
So not sure what exactly your looking for? help? answers... =) you have come to the right place for the answers lol..
Chris -
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Re: A few questions
Mon, July 30, 2007 - 2:57 PMThanks Chris. No I'm not looking for it to be a crutch. I actually want to work and believe I can make a valuable contribution... I just need to be able to make my life work in a way that doesn't have me consistently in a state of extreme poverty while working side by side with people who are extremely wealthy, not being able to save any money toward retirement and continually threatened with jail because I'm not earning more money. If someone considers that need to be a "crutch" then I guess they would consider me looking for one. I figured there had to be something(s) I hadn't figured out to have screwed things up so royally that in august last year I was in an "evolve or die" state, with "die" looking really tempting.
That's why I started trying to change myself, it's a good part of the reason for a book I wrote recently (still waiting on me to have the cash to buy an ISBN), why I'm illustrating comic strips, etc. and working at a gas station. Imo a person who's just "looking for a crutch" doesn't do these things. I've met several people over the years who I felt were "looking for a crutch" and the theme with them is that they respond to anything you suggest as a means of resolving their problems with doom-saying. In my case there are certain things that I uphold as being dead-ends after having explored them, like finding a family law attorney who is interested in helping me, able to help me, and who I can afford to hire (meaning pro bono). And I cite the evidence that the majority of divorced fathers I've met who've been able to hire attorneys have been ripped off by one attorney after another... however... none of that stops me from exploring any and every other avenue to get things done.
I remember one person I knew in Quad Cities Iowa who in response to their money troubles I asked "what do you enjoy doing?" and they said they enjoyed fixing things and I suggested that they might advertise themselves for small appliance repair, which they promptly shot-down as an idea of a potential income source, even though they'd never tried it. With this person every suggestion was like that, there was always some perceived reason not to even try. I'm precisely the opposite - I put huge effort into anything I think may make even a small difference, which is why I'm still putting a lot of effort into my cafepress store even though I've been running it at a loss for many months. ( www.cafepress.com/AnUpwardSpiral ) Richard Wiseman talks about that in his book the Luck Factor in his analysis of the psychology of luck and how lucky or unlucky people behave, that "unlucky" people give up before they've started, which is a large part of why they're unlucky.
Incidentally I don't consider myself fucked up, just my situation, which I believe I can change. That's the reason for asking the questions.
I'm not wanting to be magically excused from my actions. I'd like to have some combination of people being able to understand that the peculiarities of my behavior don't indicate things they might think they indicate (like lying, etc) and the ability to learn things which have historically eluded me and which honestly I'm at a loss to understand how it's possible that I could learn - though I have no idea how others have addressed these issues since the past month is my first exposure to people who share them, so the fact that I don't see how it's possible may not mean much.
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Re: A few questions
Mon, July 30, 2007 - 4:18 PMAutism doesn't really work as a crutch, I concur.
It's not a cause. It's just a name for the way we are. We're still the way we are and we're still responsible for how we participate in society.
I have to stay vigilant to that too. I'm capable of lapsing into blaming autism or ducking responsibility "because" of autism and I really don't want to be doing that. I don't think it's constructive or useful. -
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Re: A few questions
Mon, July 30, 2007 - 4:28 PMyep.. which is the point I was trying to make.. we are sill who and what we are and thats not going to change... just how we interact will change.
Oh I lapse at times myself into but its because of 'autism' I am this or that way...
agreed...
chris
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Re: A few questions
Mon, July 30, 2007 - 3:07 PMThanks Noir. That's a lot of info, I'll have to digest it.
Do you mind my asking what your industry is?
re: forgiving child-support debt -- yeah the paragraph about my ex' experience with the attorney general's office here and the conversation I had with the other guy is kind of aside from the subject of the thread - it was just on my mind at that moment - unrelated gov't snafu
Self employment for me I think would be ideal although at least for now it would have to be doing something other than what I've done for the last decade (computer programming) because of my distress over it. It's not helping anyone for me to do it if I become violent. -
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Re: A few questions
Mon, July 30, 2007 - 4:19 PMI'm an engineer. A computer engineer, but an engineer. -
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Re: A few questions
Mon, July 30, 2007 - 4:30 PMI am a Software Architect... I design Software systems for fortune 100 companies.. and some of my grumpiness is me having a craptacular day. I have been trying to fly to a clients site since yesterday and wont get there until tonight at 10pm.. grumbles...
chris
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